"We've got the rock n' roll for you..."

Welcome to DWD HQ. From this convenient online portal, you can find any and all things Dude Won't Die. Through our immaculately conceived and dirtily executed musical performances, we strive to increase the level of absurd joy in the world. In the words of our guiding spirit animal Piotr Pumpkin: Join us or pie.

New Year, New Song... 

2016 is already shaping up to be a doozy of a year. Exciting things are afoot. To focus on the task at hand, we wrote and recorded a song for Bernie Sanders' campaign. We've never released a "political" song before, but it seemed right for what's going on in the world today. "Feel the Bern" is available for streaming and free download here. Bernie's a pretty cool dude who we think would approve of this message. 

Paid for by the Dudes for a Better Tomorrow.

Happy Birthday, William Bruce Rose, Jr! 

Yesterday NPR Morning Edition announced to the world that rocker Axl Rose turned 50. Hearing what was likely the only major media mentioning of my former idol’s birthday reminded me of a story I once heard from my half-dentist/half-drummer friend Nicholas Woodward. He in turn heard it from someone we can only presume to be a dental student from the Midwest and probably named Nicole. Here’s the story which you’re getting thirdhand: 

This story takes place circa 2006-2007. An attractive gal named Nicole was on spring break out in Los Angeles. One afternoon she and her L.A.-based attractive friend Lindsey stopped at a bar after their trip to the beach. The bar was mostly empty, but a booth in the corner was occupied by several men who were drinking away the early hours following the noontime. While sipping their Mai Tais at the bar, Nicole whispered to Lindsey, “Who are those guys? They look famous.” 

Lindsey responded, “This is L.A. Everyone looks famous.” 

“No, I’m serious. I think they’re somebody famous.” 

“Whatever, girl,” Lindsey said. 

Being the plucky girl from Iowa or wherever, Nicole approached the five or so men at the table and said, “Excuse me, my friend and I were just sitting at the bar and we think you’re someone we should know, but we can’t quite place you.” 

The man in question turned out to be Axl Rose and his entourage of hired gun musicians and a few hangers-on. 

After a mild freaking out which these brushes with fame can bring, Mr. W. Axl Rose said something along the lines of, “You and your friend should come over and hang out with us” probably with an "I’ll get your drinks” for good measure. 

Lindsey joined them. Axl was very humble and courteous and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know Nicole, but as the conversation went on, rather than the clichéd “you girls wanna party back at my place”-type moves, Axl began to pour out his soul like so much Night Train Express about how he had so horribly screwed up his career and became morose. As things got progressively awkward, Nicole tried to give him some words of encouragement before leaving. The sense of pathos apparently overpowered the Pheromones of Fame. 

Keeping in mind that this was before his “comeback” album Chinese Democracy came out in 2008, whether this story is true or not is entirely beside the point. It seems plausible. It has the stench of truth. It’s a small piece of rock n’ roll apocrypha, an illustrative anecdote about the dangers of rock n’ roll decadence. It certainly seems like something one of the greatest lead singers in the world would do in the middle-aughts of the new century, particularly after having fallen so far from dizzying heights. I mean, two Iraq wars occurred in the span between Use Your Illusion and the subsequent “reunion” tour. That brings us to a brief side-rant: 

If Sting, an immensely talented musician who is not well-known for his humility, were to go on tour with a band sans Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland and say, “This is the Police,” fans would tell him to go practice tantric sex on himself. Who are these people who actually believe they’re seeing Guns n’ Roses when they buy tickets to see what is essentially The Axl Rose Experience? 

I wonder how Mr. Rose celebrated his half-centennial. Is it possible that somewhere underneath his redhead cornrows he considered his own mortality and, given the upcoming induction of G n’ R into the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame, thinks there just might be the possibility of burying the hatchet and getting Slash, Duff, and the others back together? Rock n’ roll history is full of bitter feuds, recriminations, and rancor, but there's also a place for reconciliation. If you need further proof, check it out: at the time of this posting, it’s February 7th, 2012. Van Halen just released their first album with David Lee Roth since 1984. I’m just sayin’ it could happen.

DWD Incorporated 2012 Annual Uniform Survey Results 

The results from DWD Incorporated's 2012 Annual Uniform Survey are in, and there were some surprising results! We've selected the responses of several team member from different departments to share: 

What are the benefits of wearing a uniform? 

Scot Adams (Regional Percussion Manager): "Philosophically, the benefits of wearing a uniform are that it provides a certain anonymity, a "blending in" with the other worker bees in the hive. It's an obscuring mask which hides an individual's identity by retooling said individual as a cog in a factory. The benefit of this is that it frees the worker from having to make important decisions related to fashion-related self-expression, and thus frees the spirit to dream." 

"What are the drawbacks to wearing a uniform? 

Jason Martin-Tardy (Director of Low-End Support Specialties):"It signals to all outsiders, whether consciously or unconsciously, how little control you wield over your life by being a symbol of your relatively low station in the pecking order of Corporate America, and consequently transforms the uniform-wearing grunt into a Schadenfreude-generator. Thus, customers, no matter how miserable their respective lives may be, can find some sick joy in seeing how much better off they are than us because they don't have their fashion prescribed to them by a tyrannical corporation. That is, of course, unless they also work for a corporation and are fortunate enough to be in middle-management." 

If DWD, Inc. were to redesign the uniform, what advice or input would you give? 

A positive note was struck by Geoff Ramsey (Lead Communications Director): "I actually really like the current short-sleeved uniforms. I would wager that whatever design firm designed them had modern superhero costumes in mind. I like the subtle purple trim on one side of the collar, framed by the purple lumbar stripes, suggesting upward movement, progress, the aspirational dream of flight. I would actually wear these polos in public. They're that snazzy. No bullshit." 

However, not all feedback was positive. When asked about further areas for improvement in uniform design, Todd Rischling (Assistant Co-manager of Custodial Services, Region 12) had this to say: "Uniform? What uniform? I just dress in blue jeans and a black t-shirt when I come to work."

Now is the Winter of Our Dissed Content! 

Oh, snap! The snow's fallen, daylight hours are short, and our Vitamin E sun lamps were all stolen by some light-starved Alaskans from Nome. It's all okay because as long as the 'lectricity n' heat are being supplied to the Plocas Music Place, our base of operations, you can bet the farm that recording's gonna happen. Overdubbing hot licks is a lot cheaper than space heaters, donchaknow! 

Alla the drums for our self-titled EP are done, so this week's gonna be about the final guitar parts and remaining vocals. Lead single "Amour Fou" will be blowing up the college radio waves before too long. Check back here soon for the online link. 

Until then, stay warm, stay strong, stay forever. 

The Dudes

8 Good Ideas When Choosing a Band Name  

Make it: 
1. Easy to pronounce. 
        This is why Mr. Mxyzptlk's Mystical and Majique Munnfunsters hasn't been burning up the local music scene. 

2. Easy to spell. 
        See above example. 

3. Easy to Google. 
         Naming your band "Free Beer" or "Lindsay Lohan's Tits" will surely make it more difficult for people to find relevant search results related to your group. 

4. Easy to chant. 
        Two to three syllables is pretty good. As much as they rock, it's hard to get 5,000 screaming fans to all chant "AND YOU WILL KNOW US BY THE TRAIL OF DEAD!" in unison. 

5. Easy to Acronymize. 
BK. HP. DQ. It's the way of the future. (This doesn't apply if your band's name is ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead.) 

6. Original. 
        I know it's difficult in this day and age. It seems all the good band names have been taken: the Rolling Stones, the Pixies, U2, The Fashion Coasters, Jesus Chavez and the One-Eyed Donkey-Lovers, et cetera, but do a little research before telling everyone that you think "The Jam" is a great name for your project. 

7. Look good on a T-shirt. 
        Clothing is one thing that isn't available as a bit torrent or MP3, so you best make your apparel look sharp. 

8. Represent Your Sound 
       There's nothing quite like hearing a great band name and then finding out they're not at all as clever, funny, or fun as the name suggests.

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